Real Sacrifice…Mother’s Day Edition

The definition of sacrifice is the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

This has been on my heart to write for about a week now but like I said before I am a very private person. I am trying to find a balance between keeping some things to myself and not sharing enough. However, I decided to share how I felt about sacrifice. I am 26 years old with a five year old daughter. I have never proclaimed to be a good mother because I am learning everyday. I have always felt guilty for being the mother to such an exquisite being, and I do not feel deserving. I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 20 years old, and I was also in college. It was the scariest time because I did not know how to be a mother, and I was not financially able to provide for her at the time.

MY SACRIFICE…..

I do not have a big support system, and I did not have the privilege of sending my daughter to anyone while I finished school. I decided to take a break from school and work full time to provide for my daughter. While my friends were enjoying Spring break trips in Florida, going to class, and enjoying the college experience, I was faced with real life at a young age. I was buying diapers, teaching her how to walk, and potty training. I remember getting my first apartment as a parent. I started off with NOTHING but I worked to not only get everything we needed but plenty of wants. I remember my parents came to visit when I first got my place, and my dad saying “Destinee, why didn’t you tell us you need furniture?” I replied, “I got it.” I meant every word. I told myself I would never ask anyone for anything for me or my daughter unless it was absolutely necessary, and I very rarely did. (I’m a little prideful lol) I did not know strength until I became a mother. My friends, Shelby and Chika would tell me all the time that I was strong, and they did not see how I would get through the adversity that I faced. I did not see it as strength but something I just had to do. I am going to be honest. It has been a lot of sleepless nights, crying, and headaches. I’ve wanted to give up at times. I get angry. I yell, and I make plenty of mistakes but I do not see life without my daughter. I have never been a real emotional person nor as compassionate as I wish to be. However, when she hugs me, all my walls crumble. She is my soft spot. Every move I make I consider my daughter. I dress, talk, and present myself a certain way because of her. There has plenty of times I wanted to react but I didn’t because of her. My accomplishments thus far have all been motivated by her. I’ve been told that I am not a good mother before. However, one thing I’ve been taught on this journey is that kids are brutally honest. I know my daughter loves me, and that is what I thrive on. I thank God everyday for such a beautiful blessing. I simply do not deserve to have my very own angel on Earth. So to all the mothers, I salute you. Focus on the positive and the smiles you put on your children faces. It is a very hard but rewarding job. Real love comes with sacrifice and mothers have been sacrificing for their children since the beginning of time. Stay strong and encouraged! Happy Mother’s Day!! Much Love and Blessings xoxo

-Destinee